We don’t just lead from experience. We lead from identity.
From the names we’ve claimed and the ones we’ve been given. From the stories we believe about who we are and who we’re not.
“I’m not ready.”
“I’m not senior enough.”
“I’m the fixer.”
“I’m the strong one.”
“I’m just lucky to be here.”
These aren’t just thoughts. They’re labels. And they shape everything from how you show up in a meeting to what you believe you’re allowed to ask for.
They live in the subconscious and are reinforced over time through feedback, roles, and survival strategies. In NLP, we’d call them identity-level beliefs – the most powerful and stubborn beliefs we hold. They operate in the background, shaping how we lead without our permission.
For me, it was “I’m good at chaos!”, and then chaos was all I found coming for me.
And it’s not just about how we label ourselves. The labels we place on others – like “difficult,” “high maintenance,” or “not leadership material” – can do just as much damage. When we box someone in, we stop seeing the full person. Our subconscious reinforces that pattern until they begin to show up exactly how we expect.
What You Call Yourself Is Leading You.
These quiet beliefs are running the show. And until we name them, we can’t shift them.
Let’s look beneath the surface:
What follows is a simple but powerful framework that helps leaders like you get unstuck from old patterns. It’s a way to move from hidden beliefs to intentional leadership. This isn’t about fixing who you are – it’s about uncovering what’s already there and choosing how you want to lead from here.
WHY – Why does this matter?
Most leaders are making decisions through outdated beliefs – stories shaped by fear or feedback that no longer serve their role. That internal misalignment shows up as hesitation, overcompensation, burnout, and playing small.
You might act less boldly than you’re capable of. Or second-guess your insight in rooms where you belong. It’s not because you aren’t skilled. It’s because an old belief is still calling the shots.
WHAT – What’s really driving this?
Leadership isn’t just about skills. It’s about self-perception.
Labels like “the fixer” or “the strong one” might have helped you succeed in the past. But they can also keep you stuck. They make it hard to ask for help, take risks, or grow into new roles. What once protected you may now be holding you back.
So ask: What do I want instead?
When you explore that question without judgment, you begin to shift the narrative. Even naming a new possibility helps your subconscious start building toward it.
WHO – Who can help?
You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, you shouldn’t.
Growth accelerates when we’re supported by people who believe in our potential. Think coaches, mentors, peer leaders, courses, podcasts, or subject matter experts. These are the voices that can reflect back a version of you that your label won’t let you see.
Pay attention to who you admire and who you resist. Those reactions are clues. We often admire traits we long to activate in ourselves. And we resist traits we were taught not to express, or fear we might be judged for.
HOW – What’s one way to shift this?
Try this 4-step reflection:
- Notice the trigger. When you feel yourself shrinking or overcompensating, pause. What story just ran through your mind?
- Name the label. “I’m the fixer.” “I’m too much.” “I’m just the admin.”
- Ask: Is this mine? Is it useful now? Who gave it to me? Does it serve the leader I’m becoming?
- Reframe it. Replace it with a more aligned truth. Something like, “I bring perspective that matters,” or “I bring value in how I show up, not just what I do.”
Small shifts like this are how new leadership habits take root. Thought by thought. Choice by choice.
NOW – Your Next Clear Move™
Insight only matters if it leads to action. So:
- Identify one label you’ve been living under.
- Ask yourself: Is this mine, or was it assigned?
- Choose a new phrase to lead from this week. For example: “I’m the kind of leader who listens deeply.” Or, “I’m ready to be seen for who I am now.”
You are allowed to outgrow the story you were given. And you’re ready, more than you realize, to write a new one.
If this article stirred something in you, that’s no accident. It means you’re ready for more aligned leadership, and I’d love to support you! And, if you have teams that you’re preparing for a new role, mentoring others, or just ready to stop playing small, I invite you to explore The Readiness Reset keynote or one of our Readiness Leadership Labs, customized just for you.
